So I was just sitting enthralled in Frank Sinatra’s New York, New York album when I was hit with a wave of realisation: why it is that men are such pussies now.
On Saturday I was trying to find some clothes in Topman on Oxford Street and this was no easy task. Clothes which 50 years ago would have been for females permeated the entire store. I had to wade through rows and rows of clothes laced with oestrogen before I could come across a T-Shirt that didn’t start halfway down my chest.
I wondered whatever happened to male sexuality and why have we all become so…faggoty?
But I’ve just realised – it might have something to do with the fact that we no longer listen to Swing music.
Hear me out – listen to this: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=r2S1I_ien6A
Now sticking with someone like Frank Sinatra – is there any question about the character of that man?
Swing music is masculine. That is a fact – it represents sophistication, confidence and macho. Compare this with an artist today: Lil Wayne’s lyrics on Money on My Mind – “Dear Mr. Toilet I’m the shit, Got these other haters pissed cause my toilet paper thick” . Lovely.
We’ve seemed to substitute our charismatic whisky drinking and bread-winning bravado for filtered cigarettes, cardigans and talking about our feelings.
So, as a musical snob and someone with a desire to revert to our classy past, I urge you to download some swing music, buy a shirt and trousers and pull your girl’s chair out for her next time you go for dinner. Eventually, together, we can restore the 1950’s Las Vegas Godfather-esque culture!