Men Are Not Manly

So I was just sitting enthralled in Frank Sinatra’s New York, New York album when I was hit with a wave of realisation: why it is that men are such pussies now.

On Saturday I was trying to find some clothes in Topman on Oxford Street and this was no easy task. Clothes which 50 years ago would have been for females permeated the entire store. I had to wade through rows and rows of clothes laced with oestrogen before I could come across a T-Shirt that didn’t start halfway down my chest.

I wondered whatever happened to male sexuality and why have we all become so…faggoty?

But I’ve just realised – it might have something to do with the fact that we no longer listen to Swing music.

Hear me out – listen to this: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=r2S1I_ien6A

Now sticking with someone like Frank Sinatra – is there any question about the character of that man?

Swing music is masculine. That is a fact – it represents sophistication, confidence and macho. Compare this with an artist today: Lil Wayne’s lyrics on Money on My Mind – “Dear Mr. Toilet I’m the shit, Got these other haters pissed cause my toilet paper thick” . Lovely.

We’ve seemed to substitute our charismatic whisky drinking and bread-winning bravado for filtered cigarettes, cardigans and talking about our feelings.

So, as a musical snob and someone with a desire to revert to our classy past, I urge you to download some swing music, buy a shirt and trousers and pull your girl’s chair out for her next time you go for dinner. Eventually, together, we can restore the 1950’s Las Vegas Godfather-esque culture!

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3 thoughts on “Men Are Not Manly

  1. Hello Josh,

    I thoroughly enjoyed this piece! I have a similar problem with men that overtly display their emotions. With the wave of neo-feminism, it is now mandatory for folks to be in touch with their sensitive side and make a demonstration of one’s feelings. I’d depend on my brother or a male friend to take a logical stance when I’m feeling emotional, I really wouldn’t want them to cry with me. If I wanted that, I’d have coffee and a chat with a girl friend. The mainstream feminization of men is beyond my comprehension. Call me old fashioned, but I’d rather men don’t carry chapstick and a moisturizer.

    I wonder what sort of women would find men that act like slightly hairier versions of themselves attractive anyway. Whether it’s man purses on the runway, characters like Ted Mosby in the sitcom How I met Your mother, distorted symbols of the so-called ‘metro sexual’ man is everywhere. Even James Bond, the world’s favourite killing machine, has morphed into a more sensitive character with increasingly lady like nuances. He’s no bad ass anymore.

    Very well written! Look forward to more of your prose.

    Like

    1. Sorry, I forgot I hadn’t replied to this!

      ” I’d depend on my brother or a male friend to take a logical stance when I’m feeling emotional, I really wouldn’t want them to cry with me”

      I couldn’t agree more. It reminds me of Tony Soprano sitting with his therapist asking “Whatever happened to Gary Cooper, the strong silent type? That was an American. He wasn’t in touch with his feelings. He just did what he had to do. See what they didn’t know was once they got Gary Cooper in touch with his feelings was that they wouldn’t be able to shut him up and then it’s dysfunction this and dysfunction that and dysfunction va fa culo!”

      James Bond was always a bad-ass and not in the 21st century Hollywood essence of kills-per-minute, he had the charm and confidence to ooze masculinity and exert himself wherever he was. He didn’t sit and cry about his feelings – he had shit to do. He didn’t promise ‘Bond girls’ that he’d be home at 5pm to cook the dinner because it is important that they maintain steady jobs in order to be his equal – again, he had shit to do.

      One can only hope that a significant number of men get tired of it all and revert to more classier behaviour.

      Like

  2. Do the Squirrel Nut Zippers count? I like your ideas about swing having an influence over our identities in society. After all, it had that affect on people back in the roaring 20s, as well. Why can’t it again?

    Like

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